What the hell

I just realized I haven't written anything here for the last four or five months. Which is odd, because much has happened deep within the bowels of Please Standby in the intervening months, most of which I have chosen to keep bottled up within myself instead of sharing it with you (I suppose the logic of that metaphor would mean that you are a toilet). Nic Fera has embraced the awkward side and joined up with us now, thereby completing the fragmented and shredded post-gunshot wound gastrointestinal tract that was Please Standby v 1.0 with his shiny colostomy bag of schizo-punk drumming and complicated personal philosophies. We have played several triumphant shows since. I have bought a new amp. Matt has been to Cuba. We both have colds. I have gained 20 pounds from KFC. Nic has gained the new nickname "Shank". Everyone has a raging boner. I am completely serious when I say that all of this is on tape.
I should also point out that virtually all of the member/biography/discography information on our myspace is, by now, hopelessly outdated, and I doubt that any of us have the stamina to go into "Edit profile" and make all the necessary adjustments. I just tried it and decided it was too much work. Instead I offer you this post which has only taken me 9 minutes to type, in which I say to you: "Don't trust any of the information on our myspace because it is 90% wrong". Except for my email and the thing about date requests, that is still acceptable (ladies).

We will be playing at All Stars in Brampton this saturday. That is all.

Captain Letdown and the Anticlimaxes

Really big friday night back-to-back gig weekend for Please Standby. First we had a hot house party unicef charity show engagement hosted by the lovely Paige Bartel alongside Treble Warriors, Light 'Em Up Tiger, and the ever-popular Love & Terror Cult. Following that was another hot gig of ripping down the street at Marcello's with, you guessed it, LTC, Luke Mitchell and Zaddy! What a night! God damn!



That's what would have happened if I hadn't been vomiting from 9:00pm-3:00am.



Check in next week for more Alex Brett fail!

xtigerxpantherx

matt. miller makes his first appearance in the blog-zone.

big gig last nite. lots of tigers roaming around in the zoo. light'em up tiger (http://www.myspace.com/lightemuptiger) joined us in another attempt to keep mississauga's tailspin of a music scene together. along with bulletproof tiger (http://www.myspace.com/bulletprooftiger) from windsor, who brought out the crazy instrumental tapcore. as well as tiger in vacuum (aka life in vacuum http://www.myspace.com/lifeinvacuum) who are my favorite band from waterloo.

lesson learned: don't try to pull off 4 bands in a night at marcellos or you will not leave until 2:30am.

also, i'd like to correct slim's slip in the last blog. we've been a band for TWO years not THREE. as we head into our 3rd year of throat-punching and white russians there are rumors running rampant that year 3 means a 3rd member will be added.

i (of course) cannot confirm or deny those reports.

It's fucking minimalism people!

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to post pictures on this blog, but neither of us own a digital camera. That's probably a good thing since digital cameras (along with tuning) are for posers. And we all know that the best shots are taken by disposable cameras. But those cost money too. Basically, if it isn't free, we won't do it. Just let the descriptive power of the blog's language create all the visuals you could ever desire.

Furthermore, we're over 3 years old now.

Furthermore, big surprise on the way.

Alex Brett personal hygeine update

I have been sick in my house for the last four days.
I have not had a cigarette in the last three days.
Yesterday I bought my first stick of deodorant in over three years. I am excited to apply it for the first time.

I have been out of contact with Matt for three days. I have no information about his condition. Cross your fingers. This usually isn't a good sign.

Follow the Canal! Punk slamz, beer charity, getting lost in the maze of bloomin' onions and James Brown covers:

Time for our weekly update (since we did stuff this week). Friday night Please Stand by attended the Burnitdowns' cd release show at racho relaxo which was fucking killer. I got the new cd which rules, and I will disinterestedly hype it on this high-traffic blog out of pure love. Hopefully our webmaster doesn't complain. I stopped paying attention to the contents of my wallet over the course of the night, but the main thing is that I got drunk. Forgetting where that $60 went the morning after is irrelevant. Burnitdowns rule. As do Blind Cats, Cool Dad, and the Strumbrellas (who performed under a fake name that night due to some bullshit-sounding contract with Clinton's- but the band ruled!). Did I mention I got drunk?

On Saturday I slept it off and Matt and I drove to Welland to play during thier food festival. It was pretty rad. Although we couldn't figure out where the fuck we were going to play at first. After wandering around the town and asking at the information booth, we finally got our shit together, despite the fact that I had essentially given up hope of playing and had reconciled myself to eating street meat for the rest of the day. Turns out the stage was 20 feet away from where I'd originally parked.
Highlight of the lovely outdoor set came when Matt mentioned how thirsty he was for alcohol after singing. A dude on a bike with two babies rode up to the stage. I thought he was a bike cop (with babies) pulling out a taser, but instead he pulled out two beers, gave them to Matt, and rode away. Amazing. Matt also learned that smoking and singing simultaneously isn't the best combination for throat comfort.
I was charmed by the fact that over 50% of the male population of Welland wear jean jackets, smoke cigarettes, and grow enormous moustaches. I think I've just found a good location for my retirement from whatever.
Before leaving Welland I bought a jar of blueberry honey for my mom. Wanna fight about it?

Yeah we go on tours. No big deal.

Please Standby had a boner of a weekend. We went to 73 in St. Catharines on Friday night to play with our comrade Smilecase and Something Fatal. I hate to admit that, despite the sign on the window which specifically said "No Outside Food or Drink", I did in fact eat a spicy veggie pita inside. Which I still think was a healthy decision, unlike my decision to punch in a $2.00 tip on the debit thingy while I was paying for it, which brought the pita up into the $8.00 range if you count the bottle of water I had. It has definitely been a while since I saw so many drunk people in one place. Maybe I need to get out more. I don't necessarily mean 73, I mean the street outside, since apparently everyone in St. Catharines forgets about the other streets on Fridays. Also saw some sweet posters for Neil Peart (I think I spelled that wrong). So Neil Peeert must be coming to town soon. I'm sure you could google that or something. Saturday was a also a day to play a show as a band. Last night we were Tigerpanther, since we recently lost our old singer due to him being a primadonna. So our first show back as Tigerpanther went swimmingly. At Marcello's (where I now have multiple beers on tabs so no big deal). We played with our friends Cactus Bran and Japanese Beaver are Canadian, who, tragically, are now no longer a band. I'm incredibly bummed about this because those dudes WERE the hotness. Now all we have to look forward to is beardless derivative 16-year-old JBAC poser hardcore bands with expensive guitars. Fucks. To which I decisively say "Not Attending". I was drunk, as was Matt, but Matt was also crying all night, so I figure Tigerpanther is due for a breakup. Keep an eye out for Please Standby's upcoming third iteration as "Captain Bringdown and the Sournotes". I would also like to point out that as of Saturday I learned that our new cd (you can get a copy on amazon.com) has been played both on a helicopter over a forest fire as well as on a radio station. Suck on that, Bedouin Soundclash. That is all.

Katsu!

Hey people. You might know us personally or you might not. Either way, I'm prepared to share deep secrets with you with or without my colleague Matt's permission. Check in to recieve up-to-the-fiscal quarter updates about fun band facts such as:

-Have I started wearing deodorant yet?
-What is Matt's real hair colour?
-Can we actually bench one another despite a lack of any real photographic evidence?

And more!
If that doesn't pop your bone then check your god damn pulse.